Formal Writing revision activity

Tone in Formal Writing

Tone in writing:

Just as with speaking, the tone in writing is affected by the writer's attitudes toward the reader and subject.

At times it may not be appropriate (within a certain form) to express our true attitude towards the subject. We may need to ‘tone down' our language to fit the form.

1. 1. Tone down the following words and phrases to make them more suited to formal writing. The first two are done for you.
   

A huge muck up A large mistake (Your proposal) is completely useless Is not practical Is a damn awful colour  It really bugs me  (The water) tasted like sewerage  Acting like a bunch of idiots  (The school uniform) makes us look like dorks  (This person) does not know what he is talking about!

1. 2. Rewrite the following text in a more even and less emotional tone. HINT - the pieces in bold may need some work!
   

My mates and I reckon that it is no good you guys closing the tuck shop. Our reasoning is as follows:   Some of us don't get the time to make our lunches in the morning, so if there ain't a tuck shop, we nearly starve to death!   The tuck shop makes heaps of money that can be spent on school stuff.   The kids that run the show learn about running a small business.  We understand that it is believed that the tuck shop does not provide healthy food and this is your reason for closing it. This could be improved by:   Selling some of that health food junk.   Kicking the pies into touch.  If the tuck shop is closed, we reckon some bad stuff might go down, like:   Kids smuggling banned foods into school and a black market in banned goods may appear   There may even be a whopping great riot  Thanks heaps for considering our submission.  Love from: Gazza, Pin Head and Scully